yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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