I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
