She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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