i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
