Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
