my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
