if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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