So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
