my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
