so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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