Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
