I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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