im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
