my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
