Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
