i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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