pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
