We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
