you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
