Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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