Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
