If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
