I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
