apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
