i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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