I heard we made out
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
