I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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