Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
