dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
