Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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