I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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