this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
God I need to hump something, right now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
