Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
