Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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