I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How external is "for external use only"?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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