Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
