NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
