I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
