Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He shit in the fireplace
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
