Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
