I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
