How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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