dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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