I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
