i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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