I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
