he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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