brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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