I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
