I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
