He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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