so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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