Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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